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sugartears
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Name: Udoka
Country: United States
State: Texas
Gender: Female
Interests: art, dance, paranormal, crafts, videogames, music, health, fitness, nuerology, DDR, philosophy,
Xanga sucks
Expertise: Musing
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
AIM:  burnsk8er
MSN: burnsk8er@comcast.net
Yahoo:  burnsk8er2000
Member Since:
9/20/2003
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| This is my only account online with the user name "sugartears".
I used this because I was very depressed at the time. I have always been the type of girl who is prone to crying. I'd do my best to hide it. The kind of person who cries themselves to sleep. My tears were made of sugar. They were so sweet. They were the only things that ever comforted me.
Later on after I created this account, the crying diminished a lot, but it resurfaced my freshman year of college and again the 2nd semester of my sophmore year.
After an extremely introverted inspection type of summer, I don't think I'll get these crying bouts again. In the very least, if I get one, I'll know exactly why its happening.
It feels really good.
A doctor once asked me "What reason do you have to be depressed? You can afford me. You go to school. What have you got to be depressed about? You haven't even started life."
But that was why I was depressed. I hadn't started life. And I felt like I never would. I thought I was doomed to an unfulfilled, passionless way of life dictated by others. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted and the way I was living made it impossible for me to ever find out. Hence, the crying. The constant feeling of "not good enough". Feeling like I needed others to validate myself. Always feeling offended by the slightest thing. Lack of confidence. An extreme amount of bundled frustration. And there are so many ways (good and bad) to release that. I'd ask "Why am I alive?". I wasn't living for myself. And I certainly wasn't ever good enough to live for someone else. Confusion. Confusion is one of the things i hate most in the world.
I always just blamed my parents, but I realized that I was really the biggest person holding me back. Once I demanded my right to live from myself, it affected everything...
I guess I'll have to tell you my life-philosophy once I feel like I've confirmed it. But, this explains why I dislike thinking about my childhood. And why I love so much to share my experience or "mentor" others. | | |
| Linda and I were looking through old xangas. Man, some of y'all were depressed as hell. Don't worry, so was I. Haha! Though, I don't think I showed it in my xanga. I tried very hard not to because I knew my sad feelings would pass and that they weren't so important. I wouldn't want to look back and see that is what I blogged about on a site that was so popular. I also totally love my taste of music on this Xanga. ;D
(I did plenty of "What a world, what a world!!" in a personal blog that I didn't tell most people about. The website used to popular, but not among our age-range at that time. Now, its kind of obsolete in America. Kind of like xanga only its not even trying. Russia seems to like it these days.)
And I notice that I still came back every 6 months or so, huh? Haha! I think its just because every now and then I would find a very interesting person who was still using xanga and be like "Oh, yah!".
Anyway, its fun to update every now and again on this. It looks like I was really big into education research and psychology when I was xanga-ing. I've kind of dropped interest in education and realized my interest in psychology was more toward the social side. Sociology. And even world-travel.
I don't think IB needs to die anymore. In fact, IB was one of the few highlights of my education overrall. Unfortunately, I was the right kind of student for the IB education, but not for the IB requirements. Which is actually a situation I have been dealing with up to this point in college. Loving to learn, but unable to work. I wish I had realized that and opted for a different TYPE of education system. My mistakes were not made in vain. I love spending time mentoring others about these topics. :)
Heh, I do A LOT more than DDR dancing these days. ;) And I am no longer a runner, though if I could have a super power, it would be super speed because running fast and pakouring feel AMAZING.
Oh! And I have a new blog that is centered around health and beauty.
www.blaquebeautyblog.blogspot.com
I have that blog, then my "secret" personal blog, then a random thoughts blog that I hardly update, but the website its on is totally awesome for these type of blogs! My, oh my! How the internet has spread! Facebook, Twitter, Google, 12seconds, tumblr, and any other "What is that? Oh man, it might be a hit!" site you can think of! Times are always-a-changin'. | | |
| The only thing I like about how stupid I've been in the past is that I know not to do it anymore and I can tell my younger friends and brothers so they won't make the same mistakes.
So my little brother is taking the PSAT. This test is MUY IMPORTANTE porque it is the fastest, most accessible gateway to the largest scholarships you could ever ask for. I tried to help my younger friend and I don't feel like she was really bringing it. Maybe she was, but the results weren't there and she's going to end up like me. A "Thanks for trying!" card. My little brother right now is scoring below what me and my friend did. But now I know my brother is very disciplined. I used to think "I can tell him this but he probably won't listen" but I see him testing and scoring every day. I'm proud of him, whether or not he scores high. He reminds me you can learn from even the people you're teaching. | | |
| Oh my gosh, you guys. Why didn't I think of it earlier? Howstuffworks.com and other websites that tell you how individual things work will help you a lot more than just trying to memorize formulas. I wish I had thought of it sooner. It's nice to get "Oh my gosh, that makes sense!" moments in this class, finally. So, I'm going to spend the next hour or two asking "How does a resistor work?" "How does a battery work?" "How do capictors work?" "How does a magnetic field work?" before I do more problems. If you are doing electromagnetism, a good analogy to think of things is to pretend the current is a flow of water. The pressure is the voltage. Etc. As for how I'm doing, my body has been acting very strangely. Being hungry all the time. Headaches. I have this terrible crick in my neck lasting up to 2 weeks, now. I don't get it. | | |
| We figured it out. We decided to all put in our answers together. The 3 of us girls. Plus our 2 friends who study with us. Then I arbitrarily told a girl in lab we were doing it and I didn't expect her to actually come. Then I called 2 more friends and they brought one more. Then a few more kids randomly walked in. And we all walked out with As.
I think I figured out this professor's plan. Touche, Prof. Vega... and thank you! :)
The other reason I'm feeling so bright is that this coffee mask is working.
This stuff really works. After you grind your coffee, mix it with honey (or not, it still works) and slather it up! I swear by this, dude. At least once a week. | | |
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